it's interesting to see how the lord moves through lives... or rather where the lord moves lives. when i last spoke to you i was certain on being a missionary, but how could i be certain in the uncertain... i can't tell you where i'll be in the next few years. only god knows that. so i've stopped trying to figure out what god wants me to do and i've started working towards who he wants me to be.
my heart is heavy and no it's not sadness. it's not bitterness. it's not anger. it's disappointment. a familiar foe. i've been here before, felt this before. it's no stranger to my feelings. it has a way of anchoring my focus in a sea of regret. i hate it.
sometime in 06
when the game is over no one looks at the blood or the sweat or those tears streaming down your cheeks. all they see are those digits on the score board. they don't look out at your heart on that field, they look out for a win.
i've missed this book. i knew all along its pages and spaces had been waiting on me. to fill them with my troubles, my struggles, my wins, my losses, my victories, my distresses, etc. but i there hasn't been any words to share. sin has held my heart captive, my words powerless prisoners. my thoughts were scattered. everywhere but where they needed to be. (in the lord) my sins had pulled me from my mountain top. tripped up. i slipped up. slipped down.